Do you have any GOOD reason?

Introspection... Uh oh

Physically not feeling well still. And emotionally I'm below par as well. I can tell because 1) I'm not listening to music or singing, 2) I'm seeking solitude, and 3) I'm writing. I've fallen from the fence far into to introversion side.

What first comes to mind is the fact that people are really disappointing me lately. But being 38 years old I know that I should not expect anything from any one except the basic respect that every living creature deserves... Anything beyond that is a set up for a let down. What's bothering me, I guess is the general lack of intimate friendships that has evolved from the whole social media phenomenon. We seem to be focusing more on soliciting witty and encouraging comments on Facebook than seeking out valuable and meaningful personal relationships with those who mean the most.

Don't get me wrong, I think Facebook and other social media outlets are pretty cool and a great way to market and network, but it's getting out of hand and I'm just as guilty as anyone else.

So what to do? I must take responsibility for my own happiness. If these things bother me, I should minimize or remove them from my life. I guess I need a plan...

What I Want:
*peaceful days
*quality time with husband and kids
*time for creativity and writing
*a beautiful, organized, calming home
*meaningful interaction with others that does not involve self indulgence from either party

How will I do this?
*re-prioritize schedule

Tiny Deaths

Life's full of them. Each day brings a cause for grief be it the realization that a friendship may be over, saying goodbye to a beautiful day, realizing that amazing connection you made with a complete stranger was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, or mourning the memories of your babies as you awaken to the knowledge that they have grown into children... And even that is only temporary. So we must embrace the temporary moment and in this I have been failing miserably. I lay here in bed tonight, slightly sick and greatly disappointed in myself for missing too many things. I've said yes when I should have said no while saing no when I should have said yes.

Meditate on: priorities, husband, children

Dec 17

YMCA Holiday Zumba Party went great! We had about 75 attendees and everyone seemed to have a great time. Now I'm resting a bit before my appreciation party tonight. Oh I love my new iPad!!!

quickly...
Last Zumba gold class this am.  One of the ladies told me I was getting thin:)  Lunched with Stephen @ Applebees and stopped by St. Vincents to watch Mike & Randy give Kindergartners & 2nd Graders an ambulance demo.  Jack came over to play with Nick.  finished up ribs for supper on the patio.

Big tornado in Joplin MO last night.  Storms accross the country.  We've had some mild storms too.

lazy day I'm getting old.  Had a fun night doing Zumba at the Cancun Bar & Grille.  only had 2 drinks but was totally worn out (& drippin' sweatty) after 2 hours of hard dancing.  Cleaned a bit this morning & rested.  My favorite part of the day, though, was sitting on the front porch with Macy watching the storm come in.  She's so beautiful.  I love having conversations with her.  She brought out her favorite quilt and we talked about how she could have it when she grows up.  She came up with a plan to keep passing it on through the family.  She's also starting to take Sam on walks by herself which I'm sure is going to be fine but still bothers me that she's out on her own.  Baby steps on letting her have some freedom I guess.  AS for Nick & Stephen - they played "jesus" today, complete with a wooden cross and crown of thorns.  I love my kids.

Mike smoked his best ribs ever - yum!  I'm finishing up a half-hearted second week on Weight Watchers.  I'm slightly over points with one day to go.  so even if I only lose a few ounces, I'll be happy but (hopefully) ready to hit it hard next week.  Lord, give me willpower!

1:32 am.  Haven't been up at this hour (sober) for awhile!  Was able to have a nice dinner at Granite City with my dear hubby and one of his associates.  Great conversation, good food, and I discovered a new wine I like but I can't remember (and could barely pronounce) the name!

Little Stevie is asleep on the recliner here in the office.  He tried to come in and sleep with us earlier but was so squirmy - this is when I had to get up - I couldn't sleep anyway.  I'm thinking about my to'dos for the upcoming Zumbathon.  Getting my ducks in a row.

Nicholas survived his first "bad note" from the teacher for talking too or more appropriately, "failing to use his active listening skills."  He was pretty embarrassed about having the note sent home.  Mike and I both had separate talks with him and he has since done better.  He's proud now when he comes home with a "zero" which means he had no warnings.  Sometimes it pays to be a zero.

And Miss Macy is becoming my biggest adversary.  God I love her but she's really figuring out how to get under mamma's skin - or maybe like countless daughters before her she was just born with this skill.  Most of the time we're cool but she does like to push it with me - at school she's an angel:)  She's becoming best friends with Kelsey down the street and they play together almost every day.

Mike is busy at work, a bit stressed but always calm, cool and collected.  Even though I see him every day, I miss him and long for some time alone with him.  I need to plan a little get-away, the hell with the cost.

With this I will carry my pooky up to his bed and see how long he stays in it.  I shall retire to the bath where I shall await drowsiness.  Good night.